The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I die, sorry about rent.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
