do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
