id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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