You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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