When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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