I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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