Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
NoShamevember. You game?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
