So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
