Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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