i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
