bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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