I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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