He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
