when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
