If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
