the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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