Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize