This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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