I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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