I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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