the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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