The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
