it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
