I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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