Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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