so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
