There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize