Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
