I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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