I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
