theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize