Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
