my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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