I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
