so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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