I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize
