it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
