i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
