and she was petting her beer can
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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