Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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