Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize