Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
