My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
