I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
