if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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