I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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