hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
