I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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