ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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