I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
