i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't tell me you're on acid again
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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