Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize