Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
