the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
