The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
