just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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