just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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