I wish my penis had an off switch
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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