12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I looked at my own cervix.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
