Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
