My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
