We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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