I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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