4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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