the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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