he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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