Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
bring money and cleavage
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
