My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
