we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Did I show you my penis last night?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
