thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
