they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I AM VODKA MAN
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
