thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
