Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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