I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize