You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I need moral support for this bender
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
