No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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