i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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