i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
