Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
