take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize