I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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