How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
