I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize