please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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