I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize