you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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