I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
