he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
