i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
