Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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