Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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