Umm I'm too high to move.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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