I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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