in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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