Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
