R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
