i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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