Me too!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
