After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
