seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
