and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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