I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
