I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize