dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Enjoy the penises
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
