Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
