Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
