the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize